Dear Hades
by Alanna The Half-blood Witch
Summary: Zeus has punished Hades. As punishment, Hades has to answer Q/A letters from demigods, Olympians and random people alike. How will Hades answer them? Read on...
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! Thanks for trying this story out. Hope you'll enjoy it! :)**

**I'll be doing five letters in a chapter. So bear with me.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** Ok Air-for-brains, do the disclaimer.

**Zeus:** You cannot command me, mortal!

**Lana:** Really? What about if I reveal your secret to Hera?

**Zeus: *gulps*** Fine! I will do the disclaimer. Lana does not own anything but the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan.

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**I am Hades, Lord of the Underworld. I ,however, will be force to answer your pathetic Q/A letters in the "Demigod Daily" as a punishment for uh certain things. Please note that you are to begin your letter with a Dear Hades or else... Do not write any nonsense or I shall send my skeleton army to attack you. That is all.**

* * *

Dear Hades,

are you evil?

Sincerely a curious demigod

Dear a curious demigod,

that was a stupid question. What part of "Underworld" do you not get? Of course I am evil!

Sincerely Hades

* * *

Dear Hades,

why is your skin so pale? It is certainly not glamorous. Maybe you should get a tan.

Sincerely Aphrodite demigoddess

Dear Aphrodite demigoddess,

I live in the Underworld. It's dark and dreary and there is no sun. That is why my skin is so pale. And I will not get a tan! My skin care is none of your concern.

Sincerely Hades

* * *

Dear Corpse-breath,

why are you so hideous?

Sincerely T & C

Dear Travis and Connor Stoll,

I know where you are and you better run now. My hellhounds are coming for you.

Sincerely Hades

* * *

Dear Hades,

HOW COULD YOU SEND THOSE HELLHOUNDS AFTER MY SONS! DO YOU KNOW THEY COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED! IF IT WEREN'T FOR PERCY, THEY WOULD HAVE GONE TO YOUR REALM! AND TRUST ME, YOU WOULDN'T WANT THAT!

Sincerely Hermes

Dear Hermes,

your sons started it first. As to your previous statement, I do not want them in my realm. However, I can put them into Tartarus. Better tell your sons about that.

Sincerely Hades

* * *

Dear Uncle H,

want a ride in my car? It's super fast and we can work on your tan then as I am the sun god. A tan would do you good. Trust me, it'll make Persephone longing for you.

Sincerely your favourite nephew

Dear Apollo,

no I do not want a ride in your car. I also do not want a tan. You hear that? I DO NOT WANT A TAN! As for Persephone, she is always longing for me. So keep your head out of my business. By the way, you are not my favourite nephew. If I had to pick, it would be Percy Jackson.

Sincerely Hades

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**Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next chapter! Hope y'all will like it! :)**

**Thank you to everyone who read/review/followed/favourite-d.**

**A bigger thanks to those who gave me ideas for this chapter! :)**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana**: Ok, the person who will do the disclaimer today is our favourite Seaweed Brain!

**Percy:** Hey! Only Annabeth can call me that.

**Lana:** Sorry. Anyways, do the disclaimer lover-boy.

**Percy: *grumbles*** Lana does not own anything but the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan who is much more sane than Lana.

**Lana:** Ouch.

* * *

Dear Hades,

I want a raise! Thanatos has a higher paycheck than me and he loves his job!

It's so easy! It's not fair, boss!

Sincerely, Charon

Dear Charon,

I will not give you a raise!

You will just spend that money on useless Italian suits.

Besides, I'm sure Percy gave you a quite big sum of drachmas.

Sincerely, Hades

* * *

Dear hades,

Will you bless me with your awesomeness?

Please? and don't kill me or I will annoy you even from tartarus!

Love, That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome!

Dear That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome,

I must say, you have the longest pseudonym so far.

I am sorry to say, I will not bless you with my "awesomeness".

I cannot guarantee that I won't kill you...but then again I do not want you in my realm.

Sincerely, Hades

* * *

Dear Hades,

What do you think of "Perico"?

Sincerely, a curious fanfic writer

Dear a curious fanfic writer,

clearly your curiosity will kill you one day.

As for "Perico"...I think it is ridiculous.

Clearly the sea spawn is in love with the Athena spawn.

Sincerely, Hades

* * *

Dear uncle Hades,

You're my favourite God ever!

I don't care whether you live in the underworld or not.

I know you're a real softy but you have to keep your image as an evil dude.

Can you have Nico give me a tour of your realm please?

Lots of love, Princess of flMes

Dear Princess of flMes,

I am flattered that I am your favourite god, though I do not approve with the "lots of love part".

I am not a softy! But I am an evil dude, as you say.

And no, Nico can't give you a tour of my realm. He's has uh matters to take care of currently.

Sincerely, Hades

* * *

Dear Emo dude,

why do you always wear black?

Sincerely, a dude that thinks black is overrated

Dear a dude that thinks black is overrated,

I am not sure whether you deserve the "Dear" though.

And I am not an Emo dude!

And I always wear black because I like black.

My choice of clothes is none of your business!

You better watch out, or a hellhound might just be behind you.

Sincerely, Hades

PS- black is not overrated!

* * *

**What do you think of this chapter?**

**If you have any ideas feel free to review or PM me.**

**Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A bigger thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana**: Today, the disclaimer will be done by...POSEIDON!

**Poseidon:** Hades is doing an advice column?

**Lana:** Didn't you know? It was the hit news on Hephaestus TV.

**Poseidon: *shrugs*** Sooo, what am I suppose to do?

**Lana: *Facepalm*** Just read the cards.

**Poseidon:** Ok then. Lana does not own anything but the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan.

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**Dear Hades,**

** It's okay that you won't bless me. I'd probably go insane(er). You're still my favorite of the Big Three. Anyway, will you ever let Nico date Thalia? Don't kill me for saying this, or again I will annoy you from anywhere, even if you duck tape my mouth shut.**

** Love, That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome.**

** PS I agree, black is NOT overrated**

Dear That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome,

another fan I see...

You do know that insaner is not a word right?

Anyway, I will not let Nico date Air-for-brain's daughter.

Thank you for putting that mentally scarring image in my mind. (Note the sarcasm)

I have decided not to kill you...maybe I will poison you and then revive you and then do it again.

Mwahahahaha!

Sincerely,

Hades

PS- Glad to see you like black

* * *

**Dear Best God ever, Hades!**

** I still don't care you call yourself evil. If that was true then you wouldn't have given Persephone six pomegranate seeds would you? Did I mention you and Lady Persephone are my OTP?**

** Can Nico give me a tour when he is free? Please? I'm going to come in my serious girl mode promise! Consider it as a birthday present to me.**

** From your greatest fan,**

** Angelina, Princess of Flames.**

Dear Angelina, Princess of Flames,

nice to know that someone thinks I'm the best god ever.

I'm flattered that Persephone and I are your OTP.

I'll ask Nico about the tour thing.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

** Dear Hades,**

** Can I take over your job? Just for, like, a day? And borrow your powers?**

** I promise I'd be good. **

** I'd manage the spirits of the dead well, and I absolutely would NOT hold any parties. **

** I promise. **

** Sincerely, another creepy fangirl**

Dear another creepy fangirl,

seriously? What made you think that I would let you take over my job and powers for a day no matter how good you are?

I doubt you'd manage the spirits of the dead well. As for the party thing...

Why don't you disturb Poseidon? His realm is nice.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**

** So, I've heard that you're doing this new advice column. I just wanted to ask you something. I...I found my boyfriend was cheating on me the other day, and...and then my goldfish died, and then the mean girl down the street didn't like my new shirt, and then - and then - HOLD ME! THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH! *breaks down sobbing***

** Sincerely, one of those people who ask for advice for EVERYTHING**

Dear one of those people who ask for advice for EVERYTHING,

I am the god of the underworld not a miracle worker. But I will try my best.

Your boyfriend cheating on you - kill him, I will personally take care of him in the underworld.

Your dead goldfish - buy a new one; you won't know the difference.

The mean girl that didn't like your shirt - pay no heed to her; she probably does not have any fashion sense.

Buy some ice-cream and listen to classical music. It helps. I should know as I do the same after Demeter's annual visits.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear death-for-brains,**

**you suck!**

**Sincerely,**

**the awesomest pranksters ever**

Dear the awesomest pranksters ever,

I KNOW IT IS YOU TRAVIS AND CONNOR STOLL!

AND I DO NOT SUCK!

YOU WILL DIE A VERY PAINFULL AND SLOW DEATH!

MARK MY WORDS!

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**What do you think of this chapter?**

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A bigger thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** Today the disclaimer will be done by, unfortunately, Ares!

**Ares:** Sup punks!

**Lana:** Okay Ares, do the disclaimer or else...

**Ares:** Uh..Lana does not own anything but the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan. And I did not eat Apollo's pie.

**Apollo:** You what!

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**AWWW WHY NOT?! PLEEEEEEEEEEEZZZ? I can be super creepy and dictatorial when I feel like it! And I KNOW the spirits of the dead would like me, Pitch Black's Nightmares liked me enough when I held him hostage and demanded - I mean, um, POLITELY ASKED to take over his job for a day...and Nightmares can't be that much different! Just ask him! I did a great job!**  
**Wait, you guys aren't even in the same fandoms. Never mind. **  
**And as for the Poseidon thing...**  
**Screw Poseidon. **  
**Your realm's a lot awesomer. **  
**Sincerely, Another Creepy Fangirl**

Dear Another Creepy Fangirl,

WHEN I'M DEAD - which means never. It takes more than being super creepy and dictatorial to rule the Underworld. As for Pitch Black, he is nothing compared to me. And I can see what a wonderful job you did. The Nightmares turned against Pitch Black.

Sincerely,

Hades

PS - My realm is awesome.

* * *

**Dear Cool Hades,**  
**Thank you for allowing me a tour of your realm. I have burnt a lot of offerings to you! Hope you like them!**  
**You said no to Thalia dating Nico but can I date him? Please?**  
**Demeter is a real pain isn't she? She once tried to stuff cereal down my throat!**  
**Ever tried being absolutely cheerful and welcoming to her? It works every time on keeping people away. If Charon asks you for a pay raise just tell him to rub Demeter's feet for the duration of her annual visit.**  
**Sincerely,**  
**Angelina**

Dear Angelina,

you're welcome. I can literally smell your burnt offerings from here. And yes, they are to my pleasure. I rather not you date Nico. He is not ready to experience the horrors of dating. And yes, Demeter is a real pain. I've tried being nice but it did not work. I feel sorry for your experience with her "cereal". As for Charon, he will do it. But Demeter would just whack him and call him a molester.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades, **  
**I' practically one of your daighters (don't object just go with it) and I've had thoughts of suicide. Has nico had those? **  
**From Lioness Deity**

Dear Lioness Deity,

Face it your not my daughter. Nonetheless I will answer your letter. No, Nico does not have these thoughts as far as I know.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades, **  
**Is Persephone awesome? She seems awesome! Could I be Persephone for a day? Please?!**  
**Love,**  
**That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome! **

**PS - you are very very awesome!**

Dear That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome,

Persephone is awesome. And no you cannot be her for a day/

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Uncle H,**

**you sure you don't want a tan. If you changed you mind, I'll be waiting. Anyway, Hermes asked me to tell you to forgive his sons. He said that he is too busy to write to you.**

**Sincerely,**

**Apollo the awesomest god ever!**

Dear Apollo,

you don't deserve the awesomest part. I will not change my mind. I do not want a tan. As for forgiving Hermes's sons...OVER MY DEAD BODY!

Sincerely,

Hades.

* * *

**What do you think of this chapter?**

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A big thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana: **Ok, you do the disclaimer today.

**Apollo: **Why?

**Lana: **You'll get pie.

**Apollo: **Cream pie?

**Lana: **Yes.

**Apollo: **Whoo-hoo! Lana only owns the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan. Now where's my cream pie?

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**Awwww! Please! If you think I'm like those Aphrodite girls with that mushy stuff and makeup then you're wrong, I'd rather fight Medusa.**  
**If you want any new painful and dangerous torture ideas for the evil souls, I can help. I'm a fan girl, you know. Fan girls are very dangerous.**  
**Your Favourite fan girl,**  
**Angelina**

Dear Angelina,

sorry no. You see, as soon as I say the word "dating" to Nico he practically screams and run.

Also, it seems that Medusa is rather occupied right now. She's making a stone sculpture museum, so will most likely be busy for like a few centuries.

If I need any ideas, I will ask you. And you're right. Fan girls are dangerous. You should have seen Kronos being tortured by fangirls in Tartarus. Who knew he had them?

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Corpse-Breath, **  
**HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BOYFRIEND! I FINALLY START DATING A REAL MAN, AND TRAVIS IS NOW IN HIS CABIN HIDING UNDER THE COVERS! MY MOTHER MAY BE DEMETER, AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER, AND I CAN BE WAY MORE ANNOYING, AND THAT IS AN INCREDIBLY LONG RUNON SENTENCE!**  
**Sincerely,**  
**A rabid Katie Gardner**

Dear Katie,

seriously! It was just a snake. I did not know that he's scared of snakes...well now I know.

Him? A man? Hah! I almost choked on my lunch. More like a scared little boy hiding under his covers.

And how can you be more annoying than Demeter. No one is more annoying than her.

Since you're challenging me...BRING IT ON!

Sincerely,

Hades.

* * *

**Dear hades, **  
**Can I be your pen pal?**  
**Love, **  
**That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome**

Dear That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome,

my answer is...NO!

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades, **  
**Why do you hate Percy so much? He is totally awesome, powerful, and is NOT afraid to write you a letter under his own name instead of "an anonymous demigod"**  
**And I'm-I mean HE- is your favorite nephew? Aww, thanks! I mean, good for him!**  
**Finally, where do you get those awesome skeletons? I want to adopt one!**  
**ANNABETH! GO AWAY, IM TRYING TO WRITE TO HADES ABOUT WHY HE HATES ME !**  
**Remember, Percy is so awesome he will not write under an anonymous demigod .**  
**Sincerely, an anonymous demigod**

Dear an anonymous demigod,

do you think I was born yesterday PERCY JACKSON? Yes, I know it's you Mr not afraid to write a letter under his own name.

I hate you because I'm suppose to hate my brothers' children and they mine. It's sort of like an unspoken rule. As for you being my favourite nephew, does it look like I have better options?

Anyways, I got those skeletons from the Underworld Mega Mall. They got a sweet deal there. They sell skeletons for half price and bones are sold separately...WHAT DO YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO DO? TELL YOU WHERE I GOT THOSE SKELETONS? NOT LIKELY!

And I will remember. Remember that you Percy Jackson, the demigod who fought in the second Titan war, was afraid to write a letter under his real name.

Sincerely,

your Uncle Hades

* * *

**Hi Hades!**  
**You're awesome! Black is, was and always will be the coolest colour.**  
**Does Thanatos bother you? How is he? Is he well?**  
**Did anyone tell Thanatos that he is hot?**  
**Sincerely,**  
**Loving Death**

Dear Loving Death,

I like your name. It's got death in it.

Black is awesome. It's totally slimming

Thanatos and I are on good terms. By the way, he was freaked out that many people sent him love letters telling him he's hot. I think he was going to have a heart attack.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**What do you think of this chapter?**

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A big thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

******Lana: **Today, Aphrodite will be doing the disclaimer!

******Aphrodite: **Aww, You're so cute! I could eat you alive.

******Lana: **Okaay... Anyways please do the disclaimer. *mutters - so that I can get away from you*

******Aphrodite: **Very well. Since you said please. Lana only owns the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan.

* * *

**Dear Hades,  
Alright, I can at least be friend's with Nico right? There are many Kronos fan girls, my friend Natalie is one. Any who, can lady Persephone allow me to take a jewelled flower from her garden? Just curious.  
Have fun torturing souls!  
Your favourite fan girl,  
Angelina**

Dear Angelina,

Fine you can be friends with him.

Your friend Natalie must be creepy…..

I'll ask Persephone about it. And I will enjoy torturing souls.

You have no idea how much fun it is.

The screams are music to ears.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,  
Thanks! I'm glad you like my name! How can Thanatos get a heart attack if he is the god of death? Can I be Thanatos's** **assistant? I'd love to help him Reap souls!  
Yours reapingly,  
Loving Death**

Dear Loving Death,

Thanatos can get a heart attack…..he'll just regenerate himself again.

As for the assistant thing, there's a long waiting list.

You will probably make it to the hundredth place in year 3025.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,  
Is this true?  
"AlmightyKingUvZaDead posted on Friday, 9/22/13:  
omg! i am totally awsom! just made deal w/ janis joplin 2 give me private concert. omg i am suuuuch a big fan. she is HAWT especially dead.  
#ohmygodsfreakingout #biggestjanisfanboy #persephone better not find out #im dead if she does #OMG #dont tell persephone plz #this is when im glad a lot of the stars are dead #smiling like cray cray now #the god of the dead is officially fanboying #OMGG"  
Definitely sounds like you, Hades.  
Sincerely, another tumblr stalker  
#OHMYGODS #lol #i never knew hades had celebrity crushes #i dont even know who the hades janis joplin is #BLACKMAIL**

Dear another tumblr stalker,

I have no idea what you are talking about.

And I also do not know who AlmightyKingUvZaDead is.

There is no way I am him, I swear by the Styx.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear hades,  
If I'm not your pen pal, then why do you reply? Also, will you bother Jason Grace for me? He is your brother's roman counter part's son.  
Love, That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome**

Dear That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome,

I am replying to you because I am forced to by my stupid secretary Lana.

Jason Grace? That annoying son of Jupiter? Yeah, I will annoy him.

Actually, he is being chase by skeleton warriors at this moment. Go skeleton warriors!

Ha, my idiot brother will be in for a shock!

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,  
Fine, I lied.  
But I only asked you because *sob* I wondered how you would react when you learned that I am your son, not Posiedon's!  
And now you hate me! Waaaaaa!  
Sincerely,  
Your son Percy Jackson  
PS So my half-brother Nico has a crush on me? INCEST ALERT!**

Dear Percy Jackson,

I knew it. You lied.

And you are not my son. I already did a DNA test on you.

You're becoming a dramaqueen like Zeus.

I hate you or maybe I don't.

And Nico does not have a crush on you or does he? Oh dear!

By the way, Zeus and Hera are siblings. Think about it.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**What do you think of this chapter?**

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A big thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana: **Do the disclaimer, Hermes.

**Hermes: **Uh...um...okay ***looks up from his phone*** Lana owns the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan. ***goes back to his phone***

**Lana: **Well that was brief. Anyways, enjoy the chapter! :)

* * *

**Dear Corpse Breath,  
Did you like the capsules of sunshine I sent you? Did you like that I bought a Harry Potter wand online and hexed Charon's canoe so that anyone who boards will give Cerebus doggie bones? Did you like the pearl I gave to Persephone so she can escape the Underworld whenever she wants?  
I accept YOUR challenge, corpse-breath. NOBODY hurts my boyfriend (except me.)  
Sincerely,  
Katie Gardner**

Dear Katie Gardner,

no I did not like the capsules of sunshine nor the Charon thing nor the pearl you gave Persephone.

However, did you like the corpses in your bed? Did you like the dead flowers surrounding your cabin?

Did you like the shadows stalking you?

The game is on, Cereal-spawn! By the way, I pity your boyfriend now.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,  
I'd like to talk with Nico...  
DATINGDATINGDATINGDATINGDATINGDATINGDATINGDATINGDATINGDATING!  
Sincerely,  
HADesisAWESoMe**

Dear HadesisAWEsoME,

could you spell my name correctly?

And no, you cannot talk to my son.

You will traumatize him with your mere presence.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,  
Why are you so mean in your replies to others? Just because you are ruler of the underworld and death does NOT mean you have to be evil or mean or nasty or rude. And if you actually LOVE Persephone, you would NOT have fed her pomegranate seeds, you would have let her go. And why won't you let Thalia date Nico? They make a cute couple and once I think that, no point changing.**

Dear Snowdrop,

you're not the judge of me.

Try being in the Underworld for ages and seeing the dead every day.

My sanity is being pushed to the limit.

And Thalia is Artemis's lieutenant for your information, meaning she can't date.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was good. What do you do druing this time of year? Am I asking too many questions? Who the Hades cares!**

Dear Lioness Deity, you forgot to put a 'Dear' in your letter.

My Thanksgiving was good.

Persephone and I were spending time with each other as she is in the Underworld at that time.

And stop using my name when swearing!

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,  
Dare you to read The One That Got Away fanfiction.  
Hope you like it!  
from LalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaGIRL**

Dear LalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaGIRL,

there are many 'The One That Got Away' fics.

Which one did you meant?

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**What do you think of this chapter?**

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A big thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana: **Okay, toady the disclaimer will be done by...Demeter.

**Demeter:** Eat cereal. It's good for you. Think of the health benefits.

**Lana:** Okay Demeter, do the disclaimer.

**Demeter:** Only if you eat my cereal.

**Lana:** Fine.

**Demeter:** The plot belongs to Lana. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan. And now Lana, here's your cereal!

**Lana:** Noooooo!

* * *

**Dear Dad,**  
**I am your son. Accept me.**  
**Sincerley, Percy**

Dear Percy,

for the last time, YOU ARE NOT MY SON!

If you were, you would have my powers not aquatic powers.

By the way, I told Poseidon about this and now he in depression.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**

**Thank you! Say, if I become friends with Nico and we start dating would you**  
**allow it?**

**Whose your favourite fan girl so far? **

**Sincerely,**

**Forever loving HadesxPersephone**

**Angelina!**

Dear Angelina,

maybe maybe. In a matter of years.

As for the fangirl thing, that would be my wife.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**

How many drachmas does it take to make me his permanent assistant or should I  
go assassinate or torture someone?

Yours Reapingly,

Loving Death

Dear Loving Death,

I am sorry to say that money won't help.

You see, Thanatos already has a permanent assistant.

He only has a place for a temporary assistant when the permanent one is on vacation at the Bahamas.

I have to say, that assistant has weird vacation tastes. If I were him, I would have gone to Hungary or Romania. They say there are spooks living there.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**

Zeus is a womanising lunatic, Poseidon is a an idiotic fishermen and you Hades  
are the awesomest ruler ever!

You are so awesome!

Persephone is so COOL!

Did you ever try being lovey Dovey with Persephone infront of Demeter, she'll  
probably be grossed out by it.

Forever loving,

Natalie, daughter of Aphrodite

Dear Natalie,

say are you the same Natalie who is Angelina's friend? And a Kronos fangirl?

If no, then sorry for the mistake. If yes, you're weird.

Anyways, you are right about Zeus being a womanising lunatic, Poseidon an idiotic fisherman and me being the awesomest ruler ever.

And don't get me started about Demeter. She tries to keep Persephone and I ten meters apart. But she did get grossed out when we kissed passionately in front of her.

Sincerely,

Hades.

PS- Tell your mum to stop interfering with my love life. It's rather annoying.

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**Thanks so much on the Jason thing! Hey can you say this 5 times fast? Toy boat! Also, do you like cinnamon buns? Do you like 5 hour energy? Oh how about mio energy. My coach had some and I had it with water and I drank it plain. So sour! Do you eat French fries? How about French toast? Do you have a cellphone?**  
**Love,**  
**That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome! ( and has had too much energy drink)**

Dear That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome,

You're welcome. Now for your questions, I have decided to answer in this order:

Toy boat - Yes

Cinnamon buns - Yes, especially just right out of the oven

5 hour energy - No, it's pink for crying out loud.

Mio energy - Yes, because the berry pomegranate reminds me of Persephone.

French fries -No, too French and salty.

French toast - No. Again with the French!

Cell phone - Yes, of course. I have several i-phones in storage.

And now here is my question, where do you live? So that I can hunt you down!

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**What do you think of this chapter?**

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A bigger thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

**A/N- I'll be doing six letters in this chapter as a bonus. **

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** The disclaimer will be done by...ATHENA!

**Athena:** You need not shout, I'm standing right next to you.

**Lana:** Sorry.

**Athena:** This story is not logical at all. I can't see the educational benefits from it.

**Lana:** Not all stories have educational benefits. But mine does. It teaches how far does it take to make Hades go bonkers.

**Athena:** Hmm.

**Lana:** Anyway, could you please do the disclaimer.

**Athena:** Very well then. Lana only owns the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan; and I still can't see the educational benefits.

* * *

**Dear Hades,**

**How can Persephone be your favourite fan girl if she is your wife? Once again,**  
**you are the best!**

**When is Nico giving me that tour?**

**Anywho, what's your favourite cake?**

**From,**

**Angelina**

Dear Angelina,

Persephone is fan girls alright. You should see the way she ogles over me. Not that I am complaining though.

Nico can only give you a tour in the spring or summer seasons; when Persephone is not around. Lest she should miss her aim at Nico and turn you into a flower of some sort.

As for the cake...my answer is Devil's food cake.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**

**Yes, I am Angelina's friend who just LOVES Kronos!**

**He is SO awesome!**

**He can control time for Stupid Zeus sake!**

**That is so cool!**

**I am fan girling right now... OW! Angelina! Why did you have to hit me so hard?**  
**Oh right, I was fan girling.**

**Why don't you Persephone be lovey Dovey with each other and pretend you don't**  
**hear Demeter. That would be fun.**

**Forever Fan girling,**

**Natalie, Daughter of Love**

**P.s I told mom and convinced her to stop bothering you so don't worry.**

Dear Natalie,

Kronos? Seriously? Eh, girls these days; weird prefrences. Thank the Fates Hazel is not like that.

Thank Angelina for me for hitting you. Maybe one day, she'll knock some sense into you.

As for the Demeter thing; it will be hard kissing when trying not to get turn into some plant.

And by the way, thanks for telling your mum off.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**Tell Thanatos's permanent assistant to retire and give his place to me or he'll never be able to move again.**  
**Sincerely,**  
**A scheming, Loving Death**

Dear Loving Death,

I give you the best of luck.

There was one other who attempted that and he was never heard from again.

That assistant has a black belt and is a master in Ninjitsu, KungFu and has a mace for a weapon.

Do not say I did not warn you.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**Will you celebrate my pigeon's birthday with me?**  
**Love,**  
**That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome!**

Dear That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome,

no I will not celebrate your pigeon's birthday with you.

But I will ask you to check on your mental health.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades, **  
**Do you have a personal assistant? It can't be Nico because he is mortal and isn't there all the time. I wonder how you would get energy drinks from the Underworld. Have you ever died and reformed? If so who killed you, when, where and why? Sorry if I'm prying. Also, does Persephone have Stockholm Syndrome? I've never read about Persephone having demigods. Or you and her ever having kids. Care to comment?**

**With annoyingness,**  
**Death is my daddy.**

**P.S.**  
**How does Persephone react when you tell her you cheated on her again? Hahahaha you have to reply. **  
**( ;**

Dear Death is my daddy,

I did not know Thanatos had a child. Eh, who knew?

No, I do not have a personal assistant. But I do have a secretary who is close to that.

I got my energy drinks from the Underworld Mall. They have a fresh shipment every week.

I do not believe I have died and reformed before; but if so, my murderers will most likely be anyone who hates me.

And no, Persephone does not have Stockholm Syndrome. As for the demigods; I have no idea.

Persephone understands of my cheating. The woman lover of mine was a mortal incarnation of Persephone; plus it was spring that time.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades**  
**Which do you like more, heavy metal, or death metal?**

**Sincerely,**

**Lioness Deity**

Dear Lioness Deity,

definitely the death metal.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**What do you think of this chapter?**

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A bigger thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana: **And today, the disclaimer will be done by...Dionysus.

**Dionysus: **Remind me Lena, why am I doing this again?

**Lana: **It's Lana. And you're doing this because of 'you know what'.

**Dionysus: **Fine. Layla owns the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan.

**Lana: **Hey, you got his name right but mine wrong!

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**WHAT?! You didn't know about ME?! I'm wounded! D:**  
**P.S. Hope you don't mind. I borrowed your assistant for "Parental Careers" day at school. It was pretty awesome. **  
**P.P.S. Your underwear drawer remains untouched by anyone not you and your top-secret My Little Pony collection is perfectly safe. No one took pictures and no one put them on Instagram for the whole world to see. Just to let you know. **  
**P.P.P.S. Your son is a great kisser. **  
**Sincerely, Saige**  
**Daughter of Thanatos**

Dear Saige,

I do not hold account for how many kids Thanatos has and who they are. And please return my assistant; fully intact mind you. And I so do not have a My Little Pony collection and I am currently checking Instagram and...damn it! You are so DEAD! And because of kissing my son, you are so DEAD thrice-fold.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear hades,**  
**Have you read "house of hades" yet? It's good! And it reveals who nico liked! Also, how could you? You killed my pigeon on her birthday! :(**  
**Love, **  
**That girl who thinks you are super duper awesome but mean**

Dear That girl who thinks you are super duper awesome but mean,

yes. I have read House of Hades. And I am okay with Nico's ex crush...NOT! Percy Jackson is so dead. And I did not kill your pigeon. She is currently in your neighbour's garden. Do not ask how I know.

Sincerely,

Hades

PS- I still think you are slightly insane.

* * *

**Dear Hades,**

**First of all, your welcome. Natalie is weird at times. Believe me I know. Never**  
**give her ice cream and coffee together with a mushy yet horrifying move. Not**  
**GOOD!**

**Expect a delivery of Devils food cake by Hermes from me!**

**Why do you not do something about Persephone turning Nico into a flower?**

**Why don't you let Nico stay at my house during the winter? This way he'll have**  
**a friend and you won't get a headache from Nico and Persephone's squabbles?**

**Sincerely,**

**Angelina**

Dear Angelina,

I agree. Keep her away from colourful and sweet foods. Oh and thanks for the cake. It was delicious. Although Hermes said he preferred Angel's food cake. About Nico turning into a flower thing, it was inevitable. He takes after me I suppose. Nico is already staying at a friend's house.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**

***raises eyebrows* that's it? It's not so special. I'm a master black in karate,**  
**taekwando, Ninjitsu, Kungfu and judo. **

**If you want your lieutenant's assistant to be in good condition then you will**  
**give me his place as assistant!**

**Sincerely,**

**Loving Death**

Dear Loving Death,

alright then. Meet the assistant at Death Valley and duel. Whoever wins gets the job. Though I warn you, there were ten who attempted the challenge. Some died while the rest were mentally scarred with a limb or two missing

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**How can you be turned into a plant? She can't turn the ruler of the Underworld a plant within his realm! That's not even possible! I asked Athena, she said it can't be done.**  
**Did you know that my half sisters; Piper, Drew and Lacy? They have turned Hazel into a Belieber and Directioner! Even a Madona fan!**  
**Love,**  
**Natalie**

Dear Natalie,

it is possible. Demeter may not have used her powers but she poured a potion into my drink when I was not looking which turned me into a petunia or was it a dandelion? Her luggage was cramped which these potions. They were labelled Daisy/Petunia/Sunflower/Barley/ and others. Tell your sisters to watch out. I'll be coming after them for turning Hazel into a monster.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi there! Sorry I took so long to update. Btw, Happy New Year!**

**And here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A bigger thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana: Well the gods and demigods are still knocked out after excessive partying...so I will be doing the disclaimer. I only own the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan.**

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**Happy now? Make Nico tell you what happened in the book that is named after your house. ;)**  
**Thank you very much,**  
**A strange Nico Obsessed person**

Dear a strange Nico Obsessed person,

stay away from my son!

And for your information, I already knew what happened in The House of Hades.

Not that I am happy though. I blame Eros. That no good spawn of Aphrodite...

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**There. Good.**  
**I HATE YOU!**  
**Lemme talk to Nico!**  
**Sincerely, Hades is Awesome**

Dear Hades is Awesome,

I hate you too!

As for talking with Nico...A clue: NO!

Seriously, I thought I will be chasings boys away from my daughter not girls from my son.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear CorpseBreath, **  
**Actually, I did enjoy those things. They help me increase my insanity, which thanks to my pyschologist is diminishing. So yeah, thanks!**  
**I also played freeze tag with Typhon this morning. He is starting to like me. Just a warning.**  
**Sincerely, **  
**Katie Gardner **  
**PS My mom wants to visit you . Your welcome.**

Dear Katie Gardner,

you need help. Lot's of help.

By the way, did you know that Typhon is an enemy to the Olympians?

That makes you an enemy.

Oh my gosh! I have to tell Zeus.

Sincerely,

Hades

PS- Tell the old hag..I mean your mum to bugger off.

* * *

**Dear Daddy, **  
**I think Tyson wants to kill me! HEEEEELLLLPP!**  
**Your son,**  
**Percy**  
**PS I may be entering your realm momentarily.**

Dear Percy,

how many times must I repeat this? I AM NOT YOUR FATHER!

And that Cyclops would not hurt you. He loves you. And I do not.

Oh and by the way, your father- Poseidon is very upset.

Sincerely,

Hades

PS- Get the h*** out of my realm!

* * *

**Dear Exalted Lord Hades,**

**How are you and the lovely Lady Persephone?**  
**What do you think of my mother? I look just like her, as she says, and I agree. We are both beautiful, with long black hair and hazel eyes. So, who do you think is prettier? My mother or Aphrodite?**  
**Anyway, can I visit my boyfriend Luke Castellan? I'll pay you a hundred drachmas. I just miss him a lot.**

**You are pretty cool. And I must agree, Apollo stinks! Nico is cool. I enjoy sparring with him, but I always win! What can I say? I have the blood of the goddess Scathach flowing in my veins, on my dad's side. Scathach is the Celtic goddess of the fighting arts and magic, if you were wondering. Anyway, please can I see Luke?**  
**Hope you have a wondrous evening.**

**Sincerely,**  
**Crown Maiden Aine O'Durren, daughter of Hecate**

Dear Crown Maiden Aine O'Durren,

Persephone and I are quite fine.

I think your mother is very talented. And yes, you are both beautiful. But in my eyes, my Persephone is the prettiest.

Luke Castellan says that he does not want to see you. He says that it was not a serious relationship and wants you to bugger off and let him enjoy his afterlife. His words not mine.

I am cool. Nico is also cool. Apollo is not cool and he stinks.

You spar with Nico? And won? Impressive.

I will talk to Luke about it. I think he's having a relapse.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Two chapters in one day!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A big thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

**I'll be doing ten letters this time :)**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

******Lana:** The gods = still drunk. I only own the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan.

* * *

**Dear Hades**  
**If Nico ever needs a place to apart from that friend he along with you and Persephone can stay at my place. You are most welcome.**  
**Now, I want some advice! My friends and I are going to have a costume party on Christmas and I can't decide how to complete my look of you. Obviously I'll be the female version of you but I hope you don't mind that. Natalie is going as Kronos while two of my other friends are going as your brothers. I'd say I'm going to win the competition but I need your help for that! Can Nico please be my... Uhh... Accquintace to the party? Please!**  
**Or I could go as Persephone and Nico can be you! We would win and Nico would be able to gain more friends. Please?**  
**If you ever want anymore cake or any other request then IM me or have Hermes deliver the message.**  
**Sincerely,**  
**Angelina.**

Dear Angelina,

I'll be sure to tell Nico.

Sorry I can't give any advice since Christmas is over but I am sure you look great.

And of course I don't mind you dressing up as a female version of me.

I still can't picture a female version of Kronos.

I hope you win the competition.

I am sorry, but Nico is currently a pansy.

And as for the cake, I'll be sure to take the offer.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**I went to Death Valley and that girly boy was Thanatos's assistant? Oh mother Aphrodite bless him with better looks. Oh yeah, your lieutenant's assistant is in the ICU of the Olympus Hospital.**  
**Reapingly,**  
**Loving Death.**

Dear Loving Death,

welcome to the Underworld.

I hope you enjoy being Thanatos's assistant where you do not have health insurance.

So the ex-assistant will have to fork out his own money.

Sincerely,

Hades.

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**Hehe, I wonder how THOSE pics got there. I mean, it's not like I could've BORROWED Daddy's iPad and logged on to my Instagram account from there. Heh. Hehehe.**  
**As for the state of my dead-ed-ness...**  
**IN YO FACE! I'M ALREADY DEAD! *sticks out tongue***  
**(And Nico's only bi. He loves me enough that he'll come down to Elysium and protect me.)**  
**P.S. I'm absolutely POSITIVE that I did not send THOSE pics to Percy Jackson and that he did not post them on tumblr. Or Leo Valdez. Or the Stolls. Or Piper.**  
**Hehe, forget about me. You SO dead.**  
**With all the sincerity in her dark, stone-cold heart,**  
**Saige**  
**Daughter of Thanatos**

Dear Saige,

you may be dead but I can still hurt you.

I will place your soul in Tartarus and I will delete your Instagram account. Mwahahahaha!

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**Do you want a bagel?**  
**Sincerely, Bagel Vendor**

Dear Bagel Vendor,

does it come in death flavour.

If so, I'll take twenty.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**How did you know she had a garden? But I found her dead there! R.I.P. Mrs. Flapper:(**  
**Also, what is your favorite cookie and your address so I can send you a christmas gift?**  
**Love,**  
**That girl who thinks you're super duper awesome!**

Dear That girl who thinks you're super duper awesome,

let's just say a lot of things died there.

Also Christmas is over but you can still send the cookie. Just ask Hermes.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**So, what are you going to do this Christmas?**

Dear Lioness Deity,

Christmas is over but thanks for asking.

Persephone and I decided to spend some time with Nico and Hazel.

It was a disaster. Nico got turned into a pansy.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**

**Thank you for answering my questions. I'm not sure exactly how many kids dad has but I know my friend, Ali is related to you and him... I think... her parentage is really confusing. But there is one question I forgot to ask you. When I gave you the movies and books of Rick Riordan, what did you do to him? Because we all need to find out what happens in BoO. Though don't be afraid to let me torture him for the crummy ending in HoH.**

**Sincerely,**  
**Death is my Daddy**

Dear Death is my Daddy,

don't worry. Rick Riordan will not be harmed until he finishes Blood of Olympus.

Then the fun shall begin!

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Exalted Lord Hades,**  
**You are probably wondering why I am the Crown Maiden. Well, I live in Hecate's realm sometimes. Don't be giving me no dirty looks! Nico stays in the Underworld sometimes.**  
**Anyway, please let me take Luke out a day. I'll bring him back!**  
**I love him so much! If you don't, my mother is the goddess of necromancy, and she will revive him for me!**  
**You know who annoys me? Zeus! He's such a hypocrite! 'Do not have kids at all!'**  
**Huh, yeah right! He had TWO frakking kids! Two! Did you touch a hair on that mortal? No! But you were the last to have kids, and guess what? He kills their mother, and threatens the life of the children! I hate him so much, I could wring his neck!**  
**Anyway, best wishes,**  
**Crown Maiden Aine**

Dear Crown Maiden Aine,

I am glad to see another Zeus hater.

A daughter of Hecate? Are you good in magic?

Anyways, as for Luke; good luck with that.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**Who is your favourite god? And who is your favourite goddess?**  
**Sincerely,**  
**A curious mortal**

Dear a curious mortal,

for my favourite god; it would be ME!

And as for my favourite goddess; it would be my wife Persephone.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Nico's father,**  
** Does Persephone every have Demi-god kids? Why does Demeter like cereal SO much? If Nico dies, will he be allowed in your palace? How did you end up as Lord of The Underworld? Why not The sea instead of HIM?**

**Love,**

The Death Ninja, Kate

Dear The Death Ninja Kate,

Sorry for the long delay for your letter. My secretary made a mistake.

You will have to ask Persephone about that.

Demeter likes cereal because she is the goddess of the harvest which

kind of involves grain like cereal.

I ended up as the Lord of the Underworld because of the lot I drew.

And that lot means I got the underworld and not the sea.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

**A big thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. :D**

**I'll be doing twelve letters this time.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana: **Sup people. Today, our favourite man-hating goddess will be doing the disclaimer!

**Artemis:** I hate men!

**Lana:** Yes. Yes you do. Now, please do the disclaimer.

**Artemis:** Lana only owns the plot. The rest belongs to Rick Riordan. A man, unfortunately.

* * *

**Dear Hades, **

**Check yes or no. **

**Are you embarrassed that you wet the bed last night? Yes. No. **

**Sincerely, **

**Sky daughter of Thanatos**

Dear Sky,

a clue: NO!

I did not wet the bed last night! And I did not wet my pants or Persephone's nightgown.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**dear daddy Hades ,**  
**I am your new daughter mind you not by any simple pregnancy it's like Zeus having Athena gross say hi to mom for me and I am your g*** daughter okay deal with it or else ...*smirks evilly* I'll tell grandma that you hate me and curse everything you eat tastes like her cereal mwahahahahahhaha see I inherited your evilness**

**your evil heiress,**  
**CaissaG**

**P.S can you give me a new hellhound I'm going to train it to wreck havoc on grandma's Cereal plantation when you accepted I'm your daughter**

Dear CaissaG,

nope! You are not my daughter.

Same goes to the five hundred other girls who claim that.

I don't care what the h*** Demeter would do to me.

And by all means, destroy her cereal plantation.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear ****Hades, **

**ruler of the Underworld,**

**Have you ever made Nico do something embarrassing. **

**Ps. Nico is cooler than you!**

**Sincerely, Gale, Son of ( don't hate me. ) POSEIDON.**

Dear Gale,

yes I have. But I will not tell you.

And of course Nico is cool; he inherited that rom ME!

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
***dumps truckload of death-flavored bagels on Lord of the Dead***  
**That will be 8264910104747271829385059 dollars please.**  
**Sincerely, bagel vendor**

Dear bagel vendor,

I said I'll take twenty bagels not a truckload.

But never mind that. Will you convert the cost to drachmas?

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,**  
**Were you on the naughty list this year? Also, I would like to interest you in my keep percy away spray, seeing as he wont leave you alone. It will cost you 5 drachmas and a free tour of the underworld. Getting back to the living world would be free too, cuz I don't wanna be stuck there.**  
**Love,**  
**That girl who thinks you are super duper duper awesome**

Dear That girl who thinks you are super duper awesome,

Santa is not real.

And I already found a way to keep Percy away.

So, fat chance you'll get a tour of the Underworld.

You people are weird. In the past, people begged not to go to my realm.

Nowadays, people want to go to my realm. It is annoying!

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear hades,**

**which of the council members if your favourite?**

**P.S. I'm sorry you aren't on the council :(**

**-Clefspear Grandson of Jupiter and Athena, praetor of the 12 legion**

Dear Clefspear,

none of them.

I have never heard of a Greek/Roman demigod.

Are you sure you didn't meant Minerva?

Sincerely,

Hades/Pluto

* * *

**Dear Exalted Lord Hades,** **You can call me Aine. Anyway, it's really not fair that Kronos ate you, not Zeus. That's stupid. Thanks, Persephone is very beautiful. I'm still kinda mad at Luke. Really? Well, tell him that I forgot about him too. Hah! Anyway, I sent you some vanilla flavored, lemon flavored, rose flavored and death flavored cupcakes for you, Persephone and Bianca. You should have them by now. Hope you enjoy. And yes, I am very good.** **Hope you had a wondrous New Year.** **Sincerely,** **Aine**

Dear Aine,

Yeah, it's stupid that Zeus didn't get eaten and that he also

became king of the gods even though he was a ***#$% *#** prick.

Persephone gives her thanks for the compliment.

Luke has no comments at the moment.

Thanks a lot for the cupcakes. Bianca and Persephone give their thanks too.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Hades,** **I like cereal. I enjoy it at dinner time with my latte when everything is dark and quiet. I sometimes I put almonds in it but I'd rather have berries. Bananas are a welcome in my bowl of choice but I need plenty of milk. I eat the flakes just before they get soggy. Or the crispy kind that seem to absorb small amount of milk so when you bite down, you get this small splat of milk inside your mouth. Watching a movie at home...instead of popcorn, I rather snack on dry cereal and if the person beside me is annoying, I crush down with my mouth open for sound effects and revenge.**

**I like oatmeal too but not as much as cereal.**

**-Idonotget**

Dear Idonotget,

I do not get why you did not write a 'dear' at the beginning

of your letter.

I hate cereal. Cereal reminds me of the heck of a mother in-law I got.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,** **We won the competition! You're the best! I sent a picture of us! I'm in the middle with my friends Makayla and Zoe who went as Zeus and Poseidon respectively on either side with Natalie giving a victory sign!** **Do you want the anti-plant potion for Nico? This way Nico won't turn into a flower or any other plant.** **Sincerely,** **Angelina**

Dear Angelina,

congratulations! The picture was awesome, though your friends could have thougt of better costume choices..

Thanks for the offer but Nico already sorted it out. At least that is what I think. What did that kid do? Oh well, it seems that Persephone will have a harder time turning Nico into a plant.

Sincerely,

Hades

* * *

**Dear Hades,** **OH YEAH! I told you I'm gonna be Thanatos's assistant!** **Forever Reapingly,** **Loving Death.**

Dear Loving Death,

yeah yeah - "I told you so". Real original.

I should warn you about the five thousand other people

who wanted the position are now hunting for you.

Sincerely,

Hades

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**Dear Lady Artemis and Uncle Hades** **My name is Crystal. I am 5 years old. I am a good girl and I love my mommy. My mommy loves me. My mommy said that I was going to have a baby brother and baby sister umm... Twins. Like you and Uncle Apollo. But when my mommy went to the doctor and he told me to wait outside. But I could hear them talking. The doctor said that mommy would die if my baby sister and brother came. He told her to get abo..Abu... Umm something like abution. I asked my teacher what it is. She told me that my baby twin brother and sister are going to die. I don't want my brother and sister to die. I don't want my mommy to die. Can you pwease do something? Pwetty pwease. I pwomise I'll be a good girl!. I heard that Lady Hera is the goddess of mommys. I love my mommy very much. She loves me very much too and takes me to the park, buys me toys and makes me yummy food and sweets. But my mommy is hurt. Her backbone has cracks on it and is shaped like a hook. My mommy's back hurts a lot. Can you help her pwese? Can uncle Apollo help her pwese? Lady Hera is your sister, can you ask her to help? Please?** **I wanted to tell papa I love him but mommy said that he went to live in your home. I want to tell my papa I love him. Can you give papa a locket? It has a picture of me and mommy.** **Love,**

**Crystal**

Dear Crystal,

Apollo, Hera and Artemis are on to it.

Stay strong sweetie, your mum will be alright.

By the way, why did you call me "Uncle"?

Who is your father any the way? I'll be sure to give the locket to him.

Sincerely,

Hades

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**Dear Hades,**

**First question: Cake?** **Second question: Where exactly are you living in the Underworld? Like in The Fields? Or Elysium? Or Tartarus? Or maybe you live under a river, and when you look up, it's like you're underwater. WHOAAA cool... If so, is it the River Lethe or Phlegethon or Acheron?** **Third question: What so bad about your gym shorts? I always hear, "Blah blah blah...as bad as Hades' gym shorts."**

**Sincerely,** **ErmHi**

Dear ErmHi,

I love cake. What's your problem?

I live in an epic palace far cooler than my brother's.

I will not tell you the location for fear of random fan girls.

I do not have gym shorts. That was just a bad joke mad by Apollo. Damn him.

Sincerely,

Hades

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**Review:)**

**If you have any ideas, feel free to review or PM me.**


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